Why You Keep Noticing That One Coworker's Quirks
There's a concept author Ryan Leak explores in How to Work with Complicated People that's hard to shake once you hear it: our differences have a way of grabbing our attention far more than our similarities ever will.
Think about that for a second.
When a coworker communicates just like you do — processes information the way you do, makes decisions at the same pace — you barely notice them. The interaction feels easy. Unremarkable. Fine.
But the moment someone operates differently? Suddenly, you notice everything.
The Coworker Who Won't Just Get to the Point
You ask a simple question. They give you the full backstory, the context, the caveats, and then — eventually — the answer.
You're already three steps ahead in your head. You've mentally drafted the response, moved on to the next agenda item, and they're still on the setup.
It's not that they're doing anything wrong. Their wiring just pulls them toward thoroughness. Yours pulls toward efficiency.
But what your brain registers is: Why can't they just be direct?
The Person Who Seems Totally Unbothered When Everything's on Fire
The deadline is tomorrow. Tension is high. Everyone's moving fast.
And there's your colleague — calm, measured, almost frustratingly steady. No visible urgency. No sense that the building is burning.
Meanwhile, you're wondering if they even care.
They do. Their wiring just doesn't put stress on display. That steadiness is how they perform under pressure.
But what your brain registers is: Do they even get it?
The One Who's Always Talking About People
Every conversation eventually circles back to how someone felt, what someone said, how the team vibe is lately.
You're trying to solve a problem. They're trying to check the pulse of the room.
Neither is wrong. But if your wiring is wired toward outcomes and action, all that relationship-talk can feel like noise.
What your brain registers is: Can we just focus?
What to Do When You Catch Yourself Fixating
Here's the honest reality: you're probably not going to stop noticing.
Differences are designed to grab our attention. That's just how human brains work.
But there's a gap between noticing and judging — and that gap is where the work happens.
A few things that help:
Name what you're reacting to. Is it genuinely a problem, or just different from how you'd do it? Those are not the same thing.
Slow down the story. The narrative your brain writes in the first 10 seconds — they're disorganized, they don't care, they're too emotional — is almost always incomplete.
Get curious instead of critical. What might their approach be accomplishing that yours isn't? What do they see that you might be missing?
The coworker who's driving you a little crazy probably isn't trying to. They're just wired differently than you.
And understanding that difference — even a little — changes everything about how you work alongside them.
Want to understand your own wiring and how it shapes the way you see others? Take the assessment.
